I recently turned 30. Turning the corner and entering into this new decade really seems to bring out mixed reactions in people, though mostly I’ve been told the negatives leading up to it. For a lot of people, I think the idea that their youth is over is what scares them. When I was in my late teens and most of my twenties it felt like I was invincible on a certain level. The idea that you have no idea what's going on or the right decisions to make, but you have more time to get it right.
Turning 30 really blew the “more time to get it right” bit out of the water. Time seemed to speed up at a breakneck pace around me and for about a week after my birthday I could not shake the feeling that I had just wasted all of the time I was given. With any luck, I will live through a couple more decades at least, but the feeling that anything is possible is gone and many dreams may die.
I’ve been to college twice and dropped out twice. Both were not in subjects that I felt passionate about but would have produced more money at the end of it. I think most of my youth was spent trying to hustle to get to money that may or may not ever come, but I didn’t spend this time as I should have on passions and projects.
Now that I’m a month into my 30’s I can say my nerves have calmed down a bit and I’m settling into my new found old age. I will no longer know what slang means when it pops up in memes. I won’t be privy to all the cool new things that the youth are, and moreover I will likely condemn whatever it is the youth find cool. Pretty soon new social media will creep up and I will immediately condemn it (but that will only be because I don’t know how it works). That is the way of things.
The idea that people in their twenties have their lives figured out and are working well towards a goal is laughable on the other side of it. I had absolutely no idea what I was doing in my twenties. I still don’t know what I’m doing now, but I think this is the decade where I will begin to figure it out.
My passion projects have always involved writing to some degree. Blogging here and now is one of them but I also have characters for a fictional set of novels. These characters have been stuck in my mind, developing and growing on their own since I was 16 years old. What I hope to get out of my 30’s is to finally get these characters out of my head and onto the page. I want to share these characters and many other stories with the world and hope they resonate with someone out there. I want to create a career out of my writing and become self reliant. The dream has always been the same, but I think the focus and the drive weren’t there because it felt like I would always, always have more time. Now that time feels finite it's like a fire was lit under my ass to get me going on it.
Regrettably most, that's not really true, all of my youth was given over to drinking. My biggest blessing coming into my 30’s is I’m no longer stuck in that rut. The day in and day out planning around those bottles of wine to close out my night. I’ve made more room in my life by beating the addiction. This new decade will bring with it more time with my family and more time exploring myself and growing as a person.
The fear that many of my friends expressed about turning 30 themselves is in the rearview now and I don’t feel the same fear they did. In its place there is a sense of calm. I am where I need to be and I can see into my future but it doesn’t feel like I’m knocking on death’s door just yet.
Turning 30 is like turning the corner from adrenaline driven, poorly thought out choices to calculated choices and schedules. Prioritizing the way I spend my time is giving me the ability to organize my life and set attainable goals that will lead up to the person I want to be in the end. Truthfully, I think my twenty year old self would absolutely hate the strict schedule my life has become, but I revel in it now knowing that each step and each schedule is a step closer to where I want to be.
How was turning 30 for you? Were you nervous? Scared? Or like me did you end up in a place of calm and focus? I think turning 30 definitely gets a bad rep, but it's not entirely bad. It feels like my life is now starting to take shape and I have more control than I ever did before. It's in this knowledge that I move forward with a smile on my face. From here I get to look forward and dream of where my life could lead and set goals in order to get there. Maybe this is belated and this feeling comes for people in their late twenties but I will take it.
I look forward to focusing more on myself as a person and growing through this decade. By the end of it I hope to find myself living the life I’ve been dreaming of since I was 19 and freshly married. Making that youthful version of me proud is something I will cherish for the rest of my life and make all the trials I put myself through in my twenties worth it.
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